Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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