Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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