you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
