well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
