I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
