i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize