did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
