dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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