I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
