am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I looked at my own cervix.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
