Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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