well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I want to fling myself into the sun
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
