Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
