I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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