also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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