Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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