I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize