It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
