I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
too bad you live with your parents still
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
