somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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