i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
