I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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