I just pynch a tree in the face
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
