you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
