hotel room ftw
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
