Are we in a gay sports bar?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
