But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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