You're completely useless in the revolution.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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