i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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