the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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