oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drunk is not a location!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
