She's JV to your varsity
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
