Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Randomize
