that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
