Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I fill condoms, not promises.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
