Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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