You work out of a Hotel?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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