someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
