sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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