which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
