shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
