literally had 100 drinks last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Randomize
