babies were throwing up all over the place
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
