You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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