she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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