I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
