I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
