You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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