dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize