Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
