put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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