why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
