my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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