So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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