About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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