So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
