Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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