last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
