Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
