90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
