also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
